Meet Flicker: The Kitten who Unearthed a Lie about Failure
The morning of January 9th, 2025, I opened my eyes and was met with an onslaught of nervous excitement and anxiety. Oh my gosh, I am adopting a kitten today! I thought. My body was jittery with nerves – this was the first cat we were welcoming into our home since our beloved Finn (my furry soulmate) died in 2023. I wanted this, no, I needed this, to go perfectly.
Everything up until this point led me to believe this was going to be a match made in heaven. My husband and I went to meet this adorable black kitten at the humane society, and when the words “I think I love him” fell out of my mouth I knew we’d found our new buddy. He was super cute, silly, and as most kitties tend to be, a bit crazy.
Everything went wonderfully with the adoption. Even the car ride home was smooth! This is going to be good, I felt. Until suddenly it wasn’t. Ten minutes after being home with the kitten, everything went south. He was manic, and I panicked. I ran out of the room he was sequestered in and sobbed.
Tears streamed down my face drenching the neck of my shirt, and panic sent shocks and tingles to my fingertips. I crumpled onto the wood floor and fell apart.
In the moment, I assumed this emotional reaction was unresolved grief from Finn who died a short time after my dad died unexpectedly (that’s a lot of grief layered in a short span). That was certainly part of the puzzle, but it wasn’t the heart of the problem. What I soon realized is this situation triggered a painful lie I’ve been carrying – one that constantly leaves me feeling like I’m not good enough.
Here's the story of what happened with the kitten (did we keep him?), the lie I’ve been believing, and what God is teaching me to speak truth. If you struggle with perfectionism or feeling like you’re failing, my prayer is this will speak to your heart. Read on for encouragement in your story, too.
Unmet Expectations: A Coo Coo Cat
Our first cat, Finn, was the epitome of a perfect kitten. We bonded instantly, he slept on my chest the first night in our house, he didn’t scratch, didn’t bite, and cuddled like it was his job.
Our new pal was the exact opposite. He quickly earned the nickname (that almost stuck as his actual name) Coo Coo Cachoo because he was absolutely crazy. He did not get the memo that kittens typically sleep 18-20 hours a day, no, no, no. He was nonstop running, chasing, biting, playing until he got so overstimulated by his own self that I had to put him away in his room like a toddler assigned a much-needed nap. There was absolutely no way to convince him to cuddle; the only time he would lay down was if we locked him away in his room.
Much to my surprise and confusion, I sobbed and panicked my way through the first few days he lived with us.
I set up an “emergency” appointment with my counselor to help me understand what was causing this emotional upheaval and after listening to me pour out my heart and lots of tears, she asked me an important question—"What do you think the Lord is trying to unearth through this experience?”
I stared at her, and after a moment of contemplation I said, “I think it might have something to do with unmet expectations with this coo coo cat, but more significantly with myself.”
Expecting Perfection
Making big decisions is not my favorite thing to do. I research, I wrestle, I pray, I ask for affirmation, and I think, think, think, often to the point of analysis paralysis.
I’ve been around the block with this struggle long enough to know it stems from a desire to do what’s best, have what’s best, and experience what’s best (depending on what type of decision I’m making). Don’t we all? No shame in that desire.
This hope is all well and good, until it transforms into an expectation of perfection.
In this instance, I desired to pick the best kitten that would bring joy, with the appropriate dose of wild that would make us giggle. I did everything I could to guarantee that outcome. And unfortunately, because of his manic behavior, the outcome didn’t turn out “the best”. So I sobbed. I panicked about my decision. And the worst (and unhealthy) part of it all – I berated myself. You idiot, you royally screwed up. This did NOT go well. Your decision? Awful. Way to go. You seriously suck.
Whoa whoa whoa – full stop. What?
I expected myself to make a decision that would yield a perfect outcome. And when it didn’t, I blamed myself, shamed myself and said terrible things like, “You are so dumb. You failed.”
Oof. This is not fair, it is not warranted, and it most definitely does not glorify the Lord, who loves me deeply and would never want me to treat myself this way.
A Much-Needed Realization
I’m not sure when this expectation of perfection was born, but I can assure you this isn’t the first time it’s reared its ugly head. I have repeatedly responded to situations that produced unwanted feelings or results with negative self-criticism (“I must’ve done something wrong” “I suck” “I’m not good enough” etc.) to the point that my brain built a neural pathway to this negative thought.
What that means is, I am so familiar with this pattern of thinking that it happens automatically. My brain goes right from “well that didn’t turn out how I hoped it would” to “I must’ve done something wrong” to “I failed.”
The way that uncomfortable pathway is practically playing out with this furry nut ball is:
He doesn’t cuddle like I wish he would –> wow, you’re an idiot for choosing the wrong kitten
He protest bites –> see Mindy? You made a bad choice, you failed
This poor kitten, to no fault of his own, became a trigger to my own negative thinking. And honestly, as painful as it’s been, it’s probably one of the best things that happened to me this year.
Here’s why.
I was listening to a sermon recently where the pastor made the point that hardships often draw to the surface what is already in our hearts. Then he went on to share a quote from Paul David Tripp that says,
“We forget that God’s primary goal is not changing our situations or relationships so that we can be happy, but changing us through our situations and relationships so that we will be holy.”
This gave me a much-needed nudge to reflect on a handful of recent experiences (this kitty situation included) and re-ask the question my counselor so thoughtfully posed – “What is the Lord trying to unearth?”
After a lot of heavy heart work, I realized a common thread running through many of the challenges I faced this year—this deep-seated lie that says, “if I don’t produce desired feelings or results from my actions or decisions, I am a failure.”
It’s deep, it’s painful, it’s rotting me from the inside out, and God is helping me uproot it.
What Now
As I have been reflecting, I’ve realized there are two big truths that God wants me to grasp:
I am not (nor is it possible for me to be) in control of all the things
My worth is not defined by anything I do. I am dearly loved no matter what I achieve or produce. His love for me is not hinged on my actions – I am His child, His beloved through it all.
Romans 3:23-24 says, “…for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.”
Guess what – failure, the act of falling short or failing at something, is a guarantee on this side of heaven. It is our human reality. We are sinners desperately in need of grace. Thus, we cannot expect ourselves to be perfect, ever. The key to freedom is accepting that. When we walk in the reality that failing is a part of life, it takes the pressure off and squashes the lie that says, “I am only good if I produce desirable results.”
Isaiah 54:10 says, “‘Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,’ says the Lord, who has compassion on you.”
That’s how deep God’s grace and redeeming love through Jesus Christ is – it can never be removed.
What I’m working on owning is this: I can do what I can to make informed decisions and strive for greatness in the actions I take, but I cannot control the outcomes. When things don’t turn out how I hope, I am going to remember that God’s love for me is unending, and His plan will prevail.
WHAT IS THE LORD UNEARTHING IN YOUR LIFE?
As Paul David Tripp’s quote reminded me, God is in the business of refining us. He can and will use the situations in our lives to help us change for the better. With the Holy Spirit’s help, when we lean into Him, we can become more and more like Christ.
It is not easy work; uprooting unhealthy thoughts or lies we believe is challenging and takes diligence. But it is work that God promises to do alongside us. I have a lot of work to do to re-wire the negative pathway in my brain, but I know that with His help, I can create a new one that speaks truth.
Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose.”
I don’t know what you’re wrestling with dear reader. Maybe God is unearthing something similar in your life – reminding you that you are good and loved no matter what – or maybe your struggle looks different. Wherever you find yourself, my prayer is that you would seek and find what God is doing in your life.
Let’s lean into the Lord and invite Him to do His good work in us together. And in all of it may we remember – We have been called according to His purpose, and in all things, using any situation no matter how messy, He will work for our good to make us more like Him.
AMEN? Amen.
So… the big question you’ve all been wondering… what happened with Coo Coo Cachoo?
Meet Flicker
Coo Coo Cachoo, also known as Flicker (or Flick, or as my nephew named him, Flicker Bicker) is slowly but surely becoming a loved member of our family. He’s still a bit crazy and still learning he doesn’t need to bite to communicate (send help), but he’s funny, silly, and sweet in his own way. One of the silliest things he does is, instead of simply eating his food out of his dish, he dashes towards his food bowl slams his paw into the dish and sends kibble flying all over the kitchen so he can chase it before eating it. It’s a hoot.
Get this though… as soon as I unearthed the lie I was believing, things shifted with Flicker. When I realized I wasn’t in control and his behavior wasn’t the result of my “bad” choosing, I started being softer towards myself and towards him and his antics. And we both felt it. We’re learning and trusting each other more and as a result he’s doling out some extra cuddles too (wahoo)! I see God’s hand in that!
There are still moments where I question this crazy guy and his behavior, but overall, I’m grateful. If Flicker hadn’t been triggering me on the daily, I’m not sure I would’ve done the hard work of unearthing the lie I’ve been believing. I truly believe God used this situation to graciously help me learn a lesson He’s been wanting me to grasp for a long time. And I can’t wait to see the fruit of it.