Finding Safety in God's Word When You Don't Feel Safe

A devotional sharing how God’s word brought calm to my body and mind during a pre-flight panic attack. This post tells the joyful story of finding peace on an airplane for the first time in over seven years, offering encouragement to anyone facing anxiety.

“Be Strong + Courageous. Do Not Be Afraid. The Lord is With You.” These words, written in a white block print, adorn one of my favorite deep grape, vintage wash t-shirts. With a 100% cotton, mid-weight cozy fabric, it’s the type of t-shirt you throw on when you want to feel comfy.

Most days I put this shirt on for its cozy qualities. But this one particular day, I put it on because I desperately needed to own the truth it advertised.

I used to love flying. From take-off to turbulence to landing, I enjoyed the whole “above the clouds” experience. Then, during a difficult season when I was struggling daily with physical anxiety, I experienced panic for the first time on an airplane. My brain in its God-given, protective design, made an unfortunate association: planes now equaled panic.

I’ve learned a lot about how our nervous system works since this happened and I’ve made big steps towards retraining my brain to know that my body is completely safe on an airplane. But when it was time for my most recent flight, I felt weak, weary, and afraid.

Standing at gate C15, the anxiety in my body screamed and rattled my insides. I swayed back and forth, breathed deeply into my belly, and tried every tool I could think of to encourage my body it was safe. I turned to my husband and said, “I know I can… but I don’t want to do this.”

The gate agent announced it was our time to board, and I stepped forward. Slowly but surely, I walked the plank towards the airplane. I took my first step onto the Boeing 737-800 when suddenly a mechanic violently shoved his way past me.

“We need to stop boarding and de-plane everyone!” He exclaimed. “There’s an issue with the engines!”

I halted in space, smiled at the stewardess and with sarcasm said “Oh, lovely!”

My body and heart wilted. You’ve got to be kidding me. I thought. I was already feeling weak and tired, and then this happened. Lord, I don’t have it. You have to carry me. I prayed.

The flight team directed those of us already on the plane and in the jet bridge to find our seats and wait for further instructions. For the next 20 minutes, the mechanics re-tested the engines, and I battled the anxiety I felt in my body. I wiped my sweaty palms on my jeans and placed my right hand over my chest in attempt to slow my racing heart. And then I remembered the words on my shirt.

“Be Strong + Courageous. Do not be afraid. The Lord is with you.”

I wasn’t confident in my ability to own the first two sentences in this moment, but the last one I clung to. As I asked for God’s help, He brought to mind scripture I had been recently meditating on.

Psalm 91:1-2 NIV says, “Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, ‘He is my refuge and fortress, my God, in whom I trust.’”

There are times where despite my best efforts to return my nervous system to a restful place, I do not feel safe in my body. Case in point. But that does not mean I am not actually safe. Beyond all the fears that course through my body when it’s in “fight or flight”, the truth in Psalm 91 tethers me to the ground; I am safe in the refuge of my Almighty Father.

My shoulders dropped away from my ears, and I inhaled and exhaled deeply as I repeated these verses in my mind. I looked out the window of the plane and knew with confidence that my body would slowly calm.

As I peered over the tarmac, I happened to witness the maintenance personnel give two thumbs up. The engines cleared the testing. We could now prepare for departure. It felt cathartic in a way; the plane was deemed safe to fly and I knew I was too.

For the first time in seven years, I did not experience any panic in my body during the flight. Somehow, by the grace of God and with lots of practice, my nervous system calmed. Like the good ole days, from takeoff to turbulence to landing, I reveled in the epic display of beauty above the clouds.

I know I am not finished with my battle with anxiety on this side of heaven. There will be more moments where my body does not feel safe. But with each step towards healing, I can more confidently declare, even when our insides feel shaken, we are safe in the arms of our Heavenly Father. He will carry us and steady us, so that we might stand even when we’re struggling.

I am grateful for my truth-filled t-shirt that pointed me to His Word in my moment of high anxiety. And I pray that it may be a fruitful reminder. In the same way I woke up and put on my comfy tee, may we daily put on the Word of God and rest in the power and safety within it.